Truck full of eels overturns on U.S. 101, dousing sedan with slithering sea creatures

Jim Ryan and Samantha Matsumoto wrote:In a scene straight out of your nightmares, a truck full of "slime eels" lost its load Thursday on U.S. 101, causing a five-car crash, dousing sedans with goo and sending sea creatures slithering across vehicles and the highway.

Technically, the fish were not eels, but hagfish, which have a skull but no jaw or spine and they secrete slime when distressed, earning them the nickname "slime eels."

I expect to see this in a Patterson song any day now. I mean, doesn't this get your creative juices flowing?

Also, according to smithsonianmag.com, to prevent choking on its own slime, a hagfish can "sneeze" out its slime-filled nostril, and tie its body into a knot to keep the slime from dripping onto its face.

This is actually a thing.

LBRod wrote:
This is actually a thing.

I'd take her to Flavortown

Zip City wrote:

LBRod wrote:
This is actually a thing.

I'd take her to Flavortown

something something Donkey Sauce

Heinz unveils ‘Chicago Dog Sauce’ to get around city’s ‘no-ketchup’ rule

Well Here’s a Weird Company Selling Stickers That Seal Your Penis Shut as a Condom Alternative

The company is encouraging men to buy little stickers and affix them to the tips of their penises, sealing off the hole to keep any and all the ejaculate inside.

Wait whaaaat, you might wonder. That’s not how penises work, you may say.

I'm not sure, Doctor. Tell me a little more.

The pros of using a Jiftip are—what? That it looks like a tiny fidget spinner and keeps lint from accumulating in your penis hole? The cons, obviously, are that it doesn’t perform any of the intended functions of a condom, and you have to rip adhesive off your penis in the middle of sex.

Bug or feature?

There is so much misinformation on Jiftip’s site, a Jiftip user could create a dozen 8.5”-by-11” Jiftip sticker collage versions of “Starry Night” before I had time to address them all.

I love art.

Church reverend pictured with crisps on his nipples during 4-day cocaine and ketamine-fuelled bender


"The drug-loving suspended reverend – nicknamed the Crystal Methodist at the height of the scandal that enveloped him two years ago – was earlier filmed snorting lines as he ­entertained four naked rent boys at a bizarre hot-tub party in his back garden."

Tequila Cowboy wrote:Man Masturbates Onto 13-Year-Old At “Pittsburgh’s Best Amusement Park For Kids and Families”

And of course the ride was the Log Jammer

whatwouldcooleydo? wrote:

Tequila Cowboy wrote:Man Masturbates Onto 13-Year-Old At “Pittsburgh’s Best Amusement Park For Kids and Families”

And of course the ride was the Log Jammer

Beat me to it!










See what I did there?

2 Cops Steal Weed From Evidence Locker, Sell It and Get Off With Probation Because Their Families Had ‘Already Suffered’

8 motherfuckin' pounds!

This is infuriating. Where's the Keebler Elf and his beloved asset forfeiture now? This judge needs to be recalled. I'm betting that when non-blue Americans faced similar charges in his court he wasn't moved by their remorse and the suffering of their families.

Bakersfield/Kern County is renowned for bad police, pretty sure they lead the country in people dying from police bullets

And they say MS-13 is the baddest gang in the land

Flea wrote:

whatwouldcooleydo? wrote:

Tequila Cowboy wrote:Man Masturbates Onto 13-Year-Old At “Pittsburgh’s Best Amusement Park For Kids and Families”

And of course the ride was the Log Jammer

Beat me to it!










See what I did there?

just saw a Studebaker pickup driving down the streets of Chico. I literally said out loud, WTF!!!

I'm loving it myself:

Socialist Juggalos gear up to fight pro-Trump ‘Nazis,’ and the internet is loving it

It’s easy to make fun of Juggalos, the oft-misunderstood fans of clown-painted rappers Insane Clown Posse, but some on the left are embracing them as a line of defense against white supremacy in the U.S. The Juggalo March on Washington, a protest against the government’s classification of Juggalos as a gang, will take place at the National Mall on Sept. 16, the same day as the pro-Trump “Mother of All Rallies.” There’s no love lost between the two sides.

“Let’s make sure we make more noise than those bitch Neo-Nazies, am I right? whoop whoop,” one poster wrote on the Juggalo March event page, which is full of communist and working-class Juggalo memes. It’s possible that internet socialists are the ones pushing the meme that Juggalos are the new communist vanguard, but the response on the page is mostly positive.

This is an alternate universe, right? Because it's not satire:

The natural overlap between working-class Juggalos and the internet’s Democratic Socialists is strong—the two groups could unite to become brothers in the “struggalo.”

Okay, I'm pretty sure it's not satire. Or maybe it's just like this one person on Twitter said:

juggalos are basically the ultimate proof of the assertion that making leftists read a bunch of theory is totally unnecessary

From your lips to God's ear.

I just heard a Motörhead song in a Kia commercial

Zip City wrote:I just heard a Motörhead song in a Kia commercial

Dark days.

It is called Burning Man, after all

a rock-solid agglomeration of fat, disposable wipes, diapers, condoms and tampons.





AKA the name of my greatest hits album

John A Arkansawyer wrote:Well, I shot a man in Nashville
He said to move my Porsche
I put two bullet in his belly
And called them warning shots

this one seems like a prime candidate to trot out the affluenza defense (and she is from Texas)

John A Arkansawyer wrote:Well, I shot a man in Nashville
He said to move my Porsche
I put two bullets in his belly
And called them warning shots

The reality is that the likelihood of this woman serving even a day in prison are pretty close to zero for all the usual reasons that have nothing to do w/ the legal merits, to say nothing of right & wrong. Which means that this is likely to become an illustration of a disturbing change in both the law & perception: What constitutes self-defense is becoming offense. This woman was in her car w/ the motor running; presumably she could have driven to safety at any time, but she chose to get out of the car, gun in hand. WTF??? The net result is that we're all a little less safe than we used to be and our safety is more and more in the hands of our fellow men & women, which is enough to make me queasy. You know that thing where every once in a while you're sitting in your car and you realize how much your continued well being depends on a million strangers obeying basic car safety laws/procedures and you make yourself stop thinking about it because otherwise you'd never leave your house? This is getting like that.

From the linked story above about the Porsche:

“She didn’t try and kill this guy,” he said. “She had no intention of killing him. She didn’t know that she hit him… She did say she closed her eyes when she shot both times, but they were warnings, and she thought she pointed away from him.”

===
Not that I buy it, but even if her version is true, there is no fucking way this person should own a gun.

beantownbubba wrote:Which means that this is likely to become an illustration of a disturbing change in both the law & perception: What constitutes self-defense is becoming offense. This woman was in her car w/ the motor running; presumably she could have driven to safety at any time, but she chose to get out of the car, gun in hand.

Brother Wayne Kramer has something to say about this right before the five-minute mark: Why didn't she just drive on away?

John A Arkansawyer wrote:Well, I shot a man in Nashville
He said to move my Porsche
I put two bullets in his belly
And called them warning shots

Looks like my subconscious correctly figured out the One True Way this could be worse:

On Monday, Quackenbush, an aspiring singer and songwriter, was charged with attempted murder in connection with the Aug. 26 shooting. She was booked into jail and released after posting a $25,000 bond. Melton was critically wounded and remains hospitalized at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, police said.

This is apparently her:



And it gets even worse after that, maybe:

Little is known about Gerald Melton. But according to local station WSMV, he is a skilled guitarist and singer.

Sharon Corbitt-House, who manages a number of big-name artists on Music Row, told the station that Melton used to live in the parking lot behind her building for about a year. “I had no clue that he was as talented as he was,” she said.

And this is him:



I think I'm about sick of this world.

whatwouldcooleydo? wrote:Family Attacks Grandmother And Shaves Her Head For Playing Steelers Broadcast Too Loudly

Pics or it didn't happen, also can we add Pennsylvania Man to the popular lexicon. A shaved grandmother and a masturbation at amusement park incident warrants the keystone states inclusion.