Only in Philadelphia

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Clams
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Only in Philadelphia

Post by Clams »

Thread to be updated as events warrant. :)

Up first...
The Lap-Dance Tax

LET'S GIVE CITY HALL credit for ingenuity.

After failing to drive up taxes on soda and smokes, the creative geniuses slipped a hootchy-kootchy tax under the radar.

The form of interpersonal social contact known as the lap dance is subject to the city's 5 percent amusement tax. Who knew? Not the "gentlemen's clubs," apparently.

To some, the tax is a stroke of genius, but it's rubbing the clubs the wrong way. To lawyer George Bochetto, it is "financial desperation" and the city trying to tax the same thing twice. Bochetto represents Club Risque and Cheerleaders, two of the clubs squirming under a new tax burden.

According to appeal petitions, Cheerleaders owes $486,482 and Club Risque owes $320,538. The city audited the lap-dance encounters, "then issued an assessment going back five years," plus interest and penalties, Bochetto says, stripping away the verbiage. "It's over the top. Unbelievable."

Full article here: http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20130 ... e_tax.html
Last edited by Clams on Sat Jan 11, 2014 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

That's pure genius!
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bovine knievel
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by bovine knievel »

They said "stroke" and "rubbing" when talking about strip clubs :lol:

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Clams
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Clams »

'Swiss Cheese Pervert' Terrorizes Mayfair

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the suspect, a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s, approaches women while driving a silver or black sedan with his genitals exposed. He then displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it.


http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20140 ... yfair.html
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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

That ain't right.
We call him Scooby Do, but Scooby doesn’t do. Scooby, is not involved

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tinnitus photography
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by tinnitus photography »

fuggin' Packers fans...

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by pearlysnaps »

tinnitus photography wrote:fuggin' Packers fans...


I laughed way too hard at this. Thanks. :lol:

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Flea »

Clams wrote:
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Gives new meaning to cheesesteak wit'.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by John A Arkansawyer »

Clams wrote:'Swiss Cheese Pervert' Terrorizes Mayfair

Image

the suspect, a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s, approaches women while driving a silver or black sedan with his genitals exposed. He then displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it.


http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20140 ... yfair.html


I'm not sure why that deserves a gold star.
The sooner we put those assholes in the grave&piss on the dirt above it, the better off we'll be

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by lynne »

LOL Flea, that was my comment on FB
I just want to stay in that better time and place....


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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by John A Arkansawyer »

tinnitus photography wrote:http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/01/11/norristowns-swiss-cheese-pervert/


I loved the comment pointing out those who criticize this man are lactose-intolerant. I wish I'd said that. (You will, Oscar. You will.)
The sooner we put those assholes in the grave&piss on the dirt above it, the better off we'll be

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Flea »

Moe! Larry! The Cheese!
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Clams
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Clams »

Apprehended!!


Pagano's neighbors were not surprised to learn of his arrest.

"He's creepy," said Rae Dean, who lives a few houses away from Pagano. "He'll come outside with his underwear on. One time he came outside carrying a gun with just his underwear on."

* * *

A 14-year-old who lives next door to Pagano said he's seen him walking around naked in that unfenced back yard, often with his daughter nearby.

* * *

Records show that yesterday's arrest wasn't Pagano's first, nor was it the first time cheese played a role in his late-night activities.

In 2006, Pagano was arrested by two undercover Norristown police officers during a prostitution sting after offering them "$20 to wrap Swiss cheese around [his] penis and masturbate him," according to an affidavit obtained by the Daily News.

Three years later, a Norristown woman told police Pagano accosted her in the wee hours of the morning on Airy Street, not far from Pagano's home. He produced a block of Swiss cheese and offered her $20 to rub it on his penis, according to the affidavit in that incident.

In both cases, Pagano was charged with criminal solicitation and disorderly conduct. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, and the solicitation charges were dismissed, court records show.

* * *

Elsewhere in the Northeast Philly neighborhood, the staff of the Grey Lodge Pub celebrated Pagano's arrest in their own way.

The eatery's latest special is the "Swiss Cheese Pervert," a grilled Swiss cheese sandwich with prosciutto and caramelized onions.

"Luckily, this is a crime that is funny and not one that is really awful," said restaurant owner Mike Scotese.

"We ought to be able to celebrate the absurdity of this."

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20140 ... olice.html

What a fucking nut job. That's some creepy, scary shit. And no way would I eat one of those sandwiches.
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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

I'm guessing the Cheese Council is not calling on him for any endorsement opportunities. :lol:
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Duke Silver »

Clams wrote:And no way would I eat one of those sandwiches.


Are you sure they're for eating?
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by pearlysnaps »

I can't believe he used Swiss and not monterey Jack.

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

pearlysnaps wrote:I can't believe he used Swiss and not monterey Jack.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Clams »

Tequila Cowboy wrote:
pearlysnaps wrote:I can't believe he used Swiss and not monterey Jack.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The holes in the swiss make it very convenient to.... oh nevermind.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by cortez the killer »

Clams wrote:
Tequila Cowboy wrote:
pearlysnaps wrote:I can't believe he used Swiss and not monterey Jack.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The holes in the swiss make it very convenient to.... oh nevermind.

That's somewhat of an incriminating statement there, Clams.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by tinnitus photography »

new board subtitle:

nor was it the first time cheese played a role in his late-night activities.

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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by beantownbubba »

Clams wrote:
Tequila Cowboy wrote:
pearlysnaps wrote:I can't believe he used Swiss and not monterey Jack.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The holes in the swiss make it very convenient to.... oh nevermind.


Clams, the depth and breadth of your expertise never fails to amaze me.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by tinnitus photography »

gives new meaning to the term 'dick cheese'

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cortez the killer
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by cortez the killer »

Yet another reason to chop the hood.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

Never accept a corned beef and Swiss sandwich at Clams house.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by RolanK »

Over here in Gnoreway they sell something called Philadelphia cheese. It's a cream cheese. Do you have that in the US? If not it may be a challenge to penetrate the market with a name like that right now.
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cortez the killer
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by cortez the killer »

Got it here, too. My favorite is the jalapeno cream cheese.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by RolanK »

Oh that's right. Forgot it's KRAFT food. That's like the GE of foods isn't it? Sometime they change the name of a otherwise similar product to suit the different markets and avoid unfortunate associations, so I guess it was still a valid question. The Jalapeño looks good. Don't think we have that over here.

This guy used swiss cheese though. Maybe he should try Jarlsberg for a change. Got holes in it as well
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by cortez the killer »

You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.
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Re: Only in Philadelphia

Post by Flea »

RolanK wrote:Oh that's right. Forgot it's KRAFT food. That's like the GE of foods isn't it? Sometime they change the name of a otherwise similar product to suit the different markets and avoid unfortunate associations, so I guess it was still a valid question.
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Yeah, but you guys eat lutefisk, so you'll eat damn near anything.
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