3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

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Clams
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3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Clams »

I reconsidered Rev Matt's suggestion that I interview Cortez. It did take a few days, but my people and Cortez's were finally able to establish ground rules and permissible areas of questioning for the interview. Here's how it went...


Me: So Cortez, how's it going?
Cortez: Great clammer! Let's get this party started!

Me: Okay, here we go. First question. Uncle Tupe or Son Volt?
Cortez: Tupe who? Son what? These days it's all Death Cab, all the time...
Image

Me: Boxers or briefs?
Cortez: As I get older, Clams, I've found that a little more support goes a long way. So I've been going with these:
Image

Me: LJ or Zip?
Cortez: Black Canary


Me: Decoration Day or SRO?
Cortez: Punk all the way, Clams.
Image

Me: Where do you find time to listen to all that music?
Cortez: I have special sideline headphones that allow me hear the other coaches in one ear while listening to Farrar and Bruce and Johnny Corndawg and all those guys in the other ear. They're alsum!

Me: Do you really look like that pic of Neil in the hat?
Cortez: Come on, mollusk man, that's just my av. Here's a pic of me that was taken last week before the Bon Iver show. I think it's really good... I'm even using it as the home screen for my iPhone!
Image

Me: Hood or Cooley?
Cortez: Tucker!

Me: Why the big change a couple of years ago from cortez_the_killer to Cortez the Killer?
Cortez: I would tell you, but I'd have to kill you. Next question, mollusk!

Me: PBR or Bud?
Cortez: Widmer Brothers' Drifter Pale Ale, clammer. Plenty of IBU's, a wonderful, well-balanced ale. Bovine shipped it to Iowan and Iowan shipped it to me.

Me: DBT with Jason or without?
Cortez: I think they should fire Neff and bring in Farrar!

Me: Willie or Waylon?
Cortez: Farrar

Me: Obama or Romney?
Cortez: Farrar

Me: This has been great, thanks for doing the interview!
Cortez: My pleasure, mollusk.
Last edited by Clams on Fri Aug 24, 2012 5:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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one belt loop
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by one belt loop »

<3
Matt playing like an evil motherfucker w/ rhythm with a capital MPLAEMWR.

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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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cortez the killer
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by cortez the killer »

I appreciate you leaving out the part about my man cave plastered with Billy Squier posters. Otherwise, spot on. Between this interview & your piece on Ray Wylie Hubbard, it's only a matter of time before the music publications launch a bidding war for your services.
You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.
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ramonz
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by ramonz »

Love this....keep it rollin'
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GW in IA
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by GW in IA »

Needed a good laugh!
Thanks Clamsie.
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ramonz
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by ramonz »

cortez the killer wrote:I appreciate you leaving out the part about my man cave plastered with Billy Squier posters. Otherwise, spot on. Between this interview & your piece on Ray Wylie Hubbard, it's only a matter of time before the music publications launch a bidding war for your services.


Man cave?? You might get fire-bombed from a 3DD lurker who a year ago warned that those who use the term "man cave" should have their eyes gouged out with fireplace pokers and their skin peeled off by giant flesh-eating beetles. Or something like that: http://www.threedimesdown.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3200&hilit=mancave

Careful Cortez....
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cortez the killer
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by cortez the killer »

ramonz wrote:
cortez the killer wrote:I appreciate you leaving out the part about my man cave plastered with Billy Squier posters. Otherwise, spot on. Between this interview & your piece on Ray Wylie Hubbard, it's only a matter of time before the music publications launch a bidding war for your services.


Man cave?? You might get fire-bombed from a 3DD lurker who a year ago warned that those who use the term "man cave" should have their eyes gouged out with fireplace pokers and their skin peeled off by giant flesh-eating beetles. Or something like that: http://www.threedimesdown.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3200&hilit=mancave

Careful Cortez....

I somehow missed that lunacy. I'm at a loss for words with Ty Webb's reaction. I guess I should be scared. And all along, it was the Squier part that I was worried about.
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Iowan
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Iowan »

I deny any transporting or receiving of alcoholic beverages via postal service.
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Steve French
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Steve French »

thats great. so true to life too. a real portrait of the man, in words, also pictures.
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by bovine knievel »

I wanna know why/how he is a cunt.
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Iowan »

Clams.... The Maron of 3DD

The beer trades were great. We should do those again.
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cortez the killer
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by cortez the killer »

bovine knievel wrote:I wanna know why/how he is a cunt.
Image
You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.
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cortez the killer
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by cortez the killer »

Iowan wrote:The beer trades were great. We should do those again.
Agree. Lots of new stuff out there.
You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by beantownbubba »

Iowan wrote:Clams.... The Maron of 3DD
Typo? One silly little vowel...
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by RolanK »

beantownbubba wrote:
Iowan wrote:Clams.... The Maron of 3DD
Typo? One silly little vowel...
Maroon?
Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa
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Clams
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Clams »

Gentlemen, please. Iowan knew what he was saying.
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Re: 3dd Person of the Week - Cortez the Killer

Post by Iowan »

Clams wrote:Gentlemen, please. Iowan knew what he was saying.
Indeed. I’m surprised that wasn’t a more ubiquitous reference.
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