your 5 despised things RIGHT NOW

[beantownbubba]

Time to re-do the ol' resume and get it out on the street, John.

[John A Arkansawyer]

Time to re-do the ol' resume and get it out on the street, John.

It turns out I'm kind of screwed. The time I've spent at this job has ruined me professionally. I'm ten years out of date on the stuff I know best and I mostly do mop-up on stuff we're getting rid of. Unless I get lucky, I'm probably on the "get rid of" list once we're out of things for me to bury.

I'm stuck riding this out till something happens or someone either insightful (because I'm very good despite being out of date) or foolish (because I'm out of date) hires me.

I'm actually pretty happy with my life. This one thing just caught me on a tender spot. I know so many people so much worse off with fewer options.

[beantownbubba]

Since you seem to know what skills you lack why not go out and get them (take a course or 3)?

[John A Arkansawyer]

Since you seem to know what skills you lack why not go out and get them (take a course or 3)?

That's the general approach I'll be taking. It'll get me an entry-level position. If I can find the right one, I've still got a shot at a career.

I'm caring less about that as I go on, except for the wanting to pay bills part. The doing good things in the world part has moved to a different section of my life. Unless, again, I find the right one.

I'd even throw the faded flower of my youth into that stew again, if only I liked stew. If someone out there can convince me--and this will be a hard case to make--that chili is stew, now's the time! But please, no vegetarian chili.

[The Black Canary]

1. People who pick their noses and wipe it on the bathroom stalls at work EW!!!

2. Dental work

3. People who don't like "murder she wrote" reruns

[porkulator]

My new fuckhead neighbor that shoots a hole in my swimming pool with an arrow.
X5

[chickenwingpuke]

Just one at the moment. 6th grade teachers who dedicate Justin Bieber songs ("Baby") to their "most mature" 6th grade student.

[phungi]

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

[211poundsofpork]

What he said.

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

[Gang Green]

1. Dodger fans
2. Chase Utley
3. Dave Lopes
4. Bill Russell
5. Vin Scully (just kidding about this one)

[tinnitus photography]

1 - ticketmaster
2 - scalpers
3 - ticketmaster
4 - scalpers
5 - ticketmaster

[Markalanbishop]

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

Got to know John Sterling a little bit when he was here in Atlanta. We just happened to drink at most of the same bars. There were lots of sordid stories about his behavior on the road trips, and he once had drunken sex with a friend of mine on the loading dock of one of our hangouts. We still give her tons of shit about that. Yankees win. Uhuhuhuuhuh, Yankees win.

[Gang Green]

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

Got to know John Sterling a little bit when he was here in Atlanta. We just happened to drink at most of the same bars. There were lots of sordid stories about his behavior on the road trips, and he once had drunken sex with a friend of mine on the loading dock of one of our hangouts. We still give her tons of shit about that. Yankees win. Uhuhuhuuhuh, Yankees win.

I'm sorry, I really have to question the judgement of your friend. She must have been really, really drunk or on a massive amount of hallucinogenics. Please give her tons of shit from me.

[Markalanbishop]

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

Got to know John Sterling a little bit when he was here in Atlanta. We just happened to drink at most of the same bars. There were lots of sordid stories about his behavior on the road trips, and he once had drunken sex with a friend of mine on the loading dock of one of our hangouts. We still give her tons of shit about that. Yankees win. Uhuhuhuuhuh, Yankees win.

I'm sorry, I really have to question the judgement of your friend. She must have been really, really drunk or on a massive amount of hallucinogenics. Please give her tons of shit from me.

Will do! It was a horrendous lapse in judgment. She was really, really drunk but still--John Sterling?!?

[GW in IA]

1 ER waiting rooms
2 Drs. who can't/won't admit that they are clueless
3 Shitty wifi in hospital rooms
4 sleeping on the shitty hospital room chairs
5 pneumonia

[whatwouldcooleydo?]

1. New York Mets
2. New York Giants
3. New York Rangers
4. New York fans
5. pro-New York announcers

Got to know John Sterling a little bit when he was here in Atlanta. We just happened to drink at most of the same bars. There were lots of sordid stories about his behavior on the road trips, and he once had drunken sex with a friend of mine on the loading dock of one of our hangouts. We still give her tons of shit about that. Yankees win. Uhuhuhuuhuh, Yankees win.

I'm sorry, I really have to question the judgement of your friend. She must have been really, really drunk or on a massive amount of hallucinogenics. Please give her tons of shit from me.

Maybe she was really really hammered and he told her that he was ROGER Sterling

I imagine that the entire time they were getting it on he yelled, "yeah jeets!!!!"

[John A Arkansawyer]

1 ER waiting rooms
2 Drs. who can't/won't admit that they are clueless
3 Shitty wifi in hospital rooms
4 sleeping on the shitty hospital room chairs
5 pneumonia

That would be the trifecta of shitty, except there are five of them.

[LBRod]

1 ER waiting rooms
2 Drs. who can't/won't admit that they are clueless
3 Shitty wifi in hospital rooms
4 sleeping on the shitty hospital room chairs
5 pneumonia

That would be the trifecta of shitty, except there are five of them.

Yep. Hope today is a better day.

[beantownbubba]

1 ER waiting rooms
2 Drs. who can't/won't admit that they are clueless
3 Shitty wifi in hospital rooms
4 sleeping on the shitty hospital room chairs
5 pneumonia

Thinking of you guys as always and sending out the strongest most positive vibes i can.

[brett27295]

1. Penn State's Offense
2. Micheal Vick
3. Dr. Ben Carson
4. Outrageously false memes being passed around social media and accepted as fact.
5. Legislatures who think they know more about the profession of teaching and my classroom than I do.

[beantownbubba]

Legislatures who think they know more about the profession of teaching and my classroom than I do.

Everyone's been to school so everyone's an "expert" on teaching.

[Markalanbishop]

Legislatures who think they know more about the profession of teaching and my classroom than I do.

Everyone's been to school so everyone's an "expert" on teaching.

X3
I don't teach but Mom and Dad were teachers, my brother is a teacher, my only aunt was a teacher, my closest cousin is a teacher, my wife is a teacher......

[John A Arkansawyer]

Just the one. And it'd been shaping up to be a real good week, too. But now my mom is the last of her parent's eight children. My Uncle Searl, her oldest brother, just died at the age of 104. A couple of you met his grandson Shannon at the Kansas City show. And I'm so unhappy that I was in town where they'd moved him to yesterday. I wish I'd known. I mean, a hundred and four--that's a good long run, and he was on his feet and in relatively good mind till very near the end. But even if it isn't a tragedy, it's still sad. And now my mom is the last. I'm so glad I saw her yesterday.

[chickenwingpuke]

Just the one. And it'd been shaping up to be a real good week, too. But now my mom is the last of her parent's eight children. My Uncle Searl, her oldest brother, just died at the age of 104. A couple of you met his grandson Shannon at the Kansas City show. And I'm so unhappy that I was in town where they'd moved him to yesterday. I wish I'd known. I mean, a hundred and four--that's a good long run, and he was on his feet and in relatively good mind till very near the end. But even if it isn't a tragedy, it's still sad. And now my mom is the last. I'm so glad I saw her yesterday.

Sorry for your loss, John. 104 is indeed a good run. Godspeed, Uncle Searl.

[John A Arkansawyer]

Just the one. And it'd been shaping up to be a real good week, too. But now my mom is the last of her parent's eight children. My Uncle Searl, her oldest brother, just died at the age of 104. A couple of you met his grandson Shannon at the Kansas City show. And I'm so unhappy that I was in town where they'd moved him to yesterday. I wish I'd known. I mean, a hundred and four--that's a good long run, and he was on his feet and in relatively good mind till very near the end. But even if it isn't a tragedy, it's still sad. And now my mom is the last. I'm so glad I saw her yesterday.

Sorry for your loss, John. 104 is indeed a good run. Godspeed, Uncle Searl.

Thanks! I was surprised how moved I was by the services. It helps to have someone who actually knew the deceased pretty well do the honors. I was also touched the guy who led the Masonic part of the service--my uncle was the oldest living Mason in Arkansas--came all the way from California to do it. And at the cemetery, seeing that young sailor go to one knee and present Junior with the flag about broke me up. But maybe the part that touched me the most was hearing this to start things off. (It also helps to have a preacher who plays banjo.) I'm not a believer, but it's still a beautiful vision:

[GW in IA]

I just helped the deputies, and the ME carry my neighbors body out of the house. He was 41 fucking years old. I sat with his mom until his dad showed up. They lost their first son 20 years ago, and the only remaining one today. They think he may have been there since Monday.


Shit

[beantownbubba]

I just helped the deputies, and the ME carry my neighbors body out of the house. He was 41 fucking years old. I sat with his mom until his dad showed up. They lost their first son 20 years ago, and the only remaining one today. They think he may have been there since Monday.


Shit

Shit.

[Tequila Cowboy]

I just helped the deputies, and the ME carry my neighbors body out of the house. He was 41 fucking years old. I sat with his mom until his dad showed up. They lost their first son 20 years ago, and the only remaining one today. They think he may have been there since Monday.


Shit

Terrible.

[John A Arkansawyer]

It's not a despised thing, and there aren't five of them, but:

What with Merle dying today, I was going back through some of his music and feeling melancholy, when an email arrived containing scans of our marriage license and our kid's birth certificate. The employer wants to verify dependent status for health care and my ex, who is still my wife and, like my daughter, is still on my insurance, sent them today.

That made me very melancholy indeed, looking at those and thinking back and wondering what I could have done better, or at least differently.

[John A Arkansawyer]

So where do I begin? In some sort of order:

1) Right now, I'm up early because I couldn't sleep any longer. The fitted sheets on the hotel bed are completely off the mattress and I'm downstairs having hot chocolate in the lobby. The hot chocolate part doesn't suck. This is the standing in the cold in front of the 40 Watt waiting for the doors to open and Jenn coming out and bringing us hot chocolate part of the day. I don't really despise it.

2) Upstairs, the kid and the kid's mom are asleep in the other bed. We spent quite a while soaking in the hot tub last night. The kid's mom's neck and shoulders were killing her after yesterday, so I spent quite a while massaging her. When we were at dinner with friends earlier, every now and then she'd reach over and give my back a little rub. She worked really hard to get ahead on her job so she could take a day and a half off and come up and help me cope. All that love and affection still, after all these years apart, and yet, I couldn't make the marriage work. It's a dull ache now, mostly, but it's pretty constant, and I know what it means for my future. This would be the Company I Keep part of the day.

3) The kid is doing great in so many ways, but i look and I see so much of myself and my struggles when I was younger and I worry. I worry so much. I was a weird kid and the world is not especially nice to weird kids. I'd hoped for my better qualities to be the ones that were passed on, but it looks like that's not entirely the case. This would be the Eyes Like Glue part of the day.

4) So the reason we're up here is that the relatives that bought my folks' house and land and gave them the right to live there till they died are getting anxious to tear down the house and the outbuildings so they can save on property taxes. Technically, they don't have any rights to the place till my mom is dead, but I don't plan to be a pissant about it, much as I hate to think of it being torn down. There's almost no possibiility my mom will ever need to live there again. If for some reason she has to leave the home, like I thought might happen when the state legislature played chicken with the budget this year, she'll have to come live with me. I wish I'd been able to talk her into doing that in the first place, but I couldn't. So we started in on one of the rooms, in total chaos like all of them after someone busted in a while back and left a huge mess and seemed to have stolen nothing. It took me a minute to realize what was missing: The vast majority of my record collection. I'd guess around fifteen hundred albums. Someone else had come in later and actually stolen things. It took a little longer to realize essentially all my comic books were gone, and then I realized the two old amps--a nice Pioneer and a decent Realistic, both in their original boxes--were also gone. Not to excuse the thief, but this is what I get for not having come up and taken care of my folks' old place, for not having been a better son. This would be the Lookout Mountain part of the day.

5) There was a lot of emotion as I played archeologist to my own life, and a lot of it was good. Finding the folder with my dad's military documents was pretty great, especially finding those pictures of him with the rest of the flight crew. I especially love the one with them all posed around one of those big engines. They're all looking face on to the camera, with two exceptions: The lieutenant is sitting next to my dad reading a newspaper, and my dad the master sergeant has his hands up in the engine, working on it. Lots of beautiful pictures of my dad turned up. My god, he had the most beautiful smile. And those immense fish he pulled out of Beaver Lake. He was so proud, showing them off. He would have been the perfect dad if he hadn't had such a weird kid to cope with, and as it was, considering what a tough nut I was to crack, he was pretty great anyway. So there's a lot of good emotional energy along with all the rest in my heart right now, and I'm going to need it. My family reunion on my mom's side is this afternoon. I'm going back and forth on whether to go to it. I'm on pretty bad terms with some of my favorite cousins over politics and family stuff. I love the one who's looking forward to Trump and Putin taking on the New World Order so much--I took him to the TDU show in Kansas City last year, and he really dug it--and we're barely speaking at the moment. I'm going to see a lot of Trumpism if I go. And the last few years, those god damn Confederate flags have started getting pretty thick through there, right in the heart of what was Union territory, by sentiment rather than conquest. I've never felt alien in my mother's part of the Ozarks before, but I do now. I could maybe make an excuse and not go, because the van's transmission is acting a little hinky on the hills, and hills is what going through the Ozarks is all about. Our finances are in crappy enough shape that risking the van is a serious concern. But my uncle died since the last reunion, and now my mom is the last of the eight kids. If there isn't a good turnout this year, we might just not be having them any more. And the kid wants to go. The kid's mom doesn't, which is understandable, considering that every one of my relatives will want to discuss what happened to our marriage and if we're getting back together. She's offered to stay at the house and work on packing and cleaning while the kid and I go. No water, no power, no bathroom, no vehicle. I don't know if I can stand to ask her to do that. Well, she offered. But you know what i mean. I'm not sure if this is the Thanksgiving Filter or the Surrender Under Protest part of the day. Probably both.

6) But it'll probably shake out that we go. My mom is in the home not too far from where the reunion is. Not seeing her this weekend is just not okay, and doing the one but not the other would put me even more crossways with family. It's hard seeing her, though. She says such nice things about her son to whoever she thinks I am, and she doesn't recognize her only grandchild. Those are the bad days, which she's having more of lately. We might get a good day, but I'm not counting on it. Plus yesterday I cheated and asked the kid's mom to read the "open after my death" envelope we found--there might've been something in there I shouldn't know until that day comes--so now I know she wants no funeral and decided to be cremated. It's good to know that in a timely manner, but reading that letter made me weep like a baby. Weirdly enough, this is the Dead, Drunk, and Naked part of the day.

And now there is some fucking asshole ranting at the table next to me and I'm going to go back upstairs and think about what family I have left.