your 5 despised things RIGHT NOW

[Zip City]

Being scheduled to work at 3am on the day after Christmas

Yikes. My last Christmas in retail was 2004 and I am eternally grateful for that. My sympathies.

it's brutal.

I also have a 3am-8am shift this Sunday, then a 7pm-midnight shift ON THE SAME FUCKING DAY

[one belt loop]

The life partner of one of my favorite co-worker died over the weekend. She is a very private person, so she never told us that he was living with leukemia. We just knew that he'd had a variety of illnesses (that came along with his compromised immune system). Now I don't know how to comfort her. I also won't see her for at least three weeks, as she already had time off scheduled when this happened. How can we take care of her? (yes, asking for suggestions - keeping in mind that, as much as we like each other, we do not generally cross over from work life to real life.)

[beantownbubba]

The life partner of one of my favorite co-worker died over the weekend. She is a very private person, so she never told us that he was living with leukemia. We just knew that he'd had a variety of illnesses (that came along with his compromised immune system). Now I don't know how to comfort her. I also won't see her for at least three weeks, as she already had time off scheduled when this happened. How can we take care of her? (yes, asking for suggestions - keeping in mind that, as much as we like each other, we do not generally cross over from work life to real life.)

Unfortunately, you''ll have to follow her lead and she's apparently not providing many clues or much direction. Which in itself is a clue: She may very much want to keep her home and work lives separate and if that's the case, you should honor that even though it's frustrating. More likely, though, having established a pretty thick wall, she doesn't really know how to find the right work/home balance. The best thing for you would be to find someone she's close to who can either get the word directly from your co-worker or at least advise on an informed basis what might be appropriate and useful. Failing that, I can only suggest being flexible because help can be provided in a variety of ways, from providing dinner, to being flexible about time off, to helping her work as much as she wants to as a distraction/healing mechanism, to letting her talk, to leaving her alone etc etc. Depending on how your office is staffed, your company might also be able to provide help w/ the myriad post-death details and paperwork (or perhaps provide discounted access to your lawyers).

[John A Arkansawyer]

The life partner of one of my favorite co-worker died over the weekend. She is a very private person, so she never told us that he was living with leukemia. We just knew that he'd had a variety of illnesses (that came along with his compromised immune system). Now I don't know how to comfort her. I also won't see her for at least three weeks, as she already had time off scheduled when this happened. How can we take care of her? (yes, asking for suggestions - keeping in mind that, as much as we like each other, we do not generally cross over from work life to real life.)

That's awful. I hate to hear it. I have very little to add to what Beantown said about help except to say that it is all excellent advice.

[John A Arkansawyer]

Happy as I am about my niece, having gotten this news in my email today balanced it out a little.

[Tequila Cowboy]

Probably should have gone in the politics thread. Moving it now.

[one belt loop]

The life partner of one of my favorite co-worker died over the weekend. She is a very private person, so she never told us that he was living with leukemia. We just knew that he'd had a variety of illnesses (that came along with his compromised immune system). Now I don't know how to comfort her. I also won't see her for at least three weeks, as she already had time off scheduled when this happened. How can we take care of her? (yes, asking for suggestions - keeping in mind that, as much as we like each other, we do not generally cross over from work life to real life.)

Unfortunately, you''ll have to follow her lead and she's apparently not providing many clues or much direction. Which in itself is a clue: She may very much want to keep her home and work lives separate and if that's the case, you should honor that even though it's frustrating. More likely, though, having established a pretty thick wall, she doesn't really know how to find the right work/home balance. The best thing for you would be to find someone she's close to who can either get the word directly from your co-worker or at least advise on an informed basis what might be appropriate and useful. Failing that, I can only suggest being flexible because help can be provided in a variety of ways, from providing dinner, to being flexible about time off, to helping her work as much as she wants to as a distraction/healing mechanism, to letting her talk, to leaving her alone etc etc. Depending on how your office is staffed, your company might also be able to provide help w/ the myriad post-death details and paperwork (or perhaps provide discounted access to your lawyers).

Thanks to you and Arkansawyer We have a decent bereavement policy, but, beyond that, the president of our division is the one who originally hired her 20 years ago and will make sure she has the time she needs to regroup. We have the same job, with a different group of clients, so I know I can help by taking care of them while she is out.

I thought I might send her a little something every few days. A condolence card today (somewhat incoherent, I'm afraid), maybe some chocolates later in the week, etc. Just little things so she knows I'm thinking about her.

edited for wrong nice guy

[beantownbubba]

I thought I might send her a little something every few days. A condolence card today (somewhat incoherent, I'm afraid), maybe some chocolates later in the week, etc. Just little things so she knows I'm thinking about her.

I imagine that will be greatly appreciated, especially after the initial "wave" is over and she doesn't hear from or see so many people anymore. That's when those little gestures can really make a difference and a little thoughtfulness can go a long way. You're just a little mitzvah machine!

PS I assume u don't mean that John A & I are responsible for your bereavement policy, right?

[one belt loop]

I thought I might send her a little something every few days. A condolence card today (somewhat incoherent, I'm afraid), maybe some chocolates later in the week, etc. Just little things so she knows I'm thinking about her.

I imagine that will be greatly appreciated, especially after the initial "wave" is over and she doesn't hear from or see so many people anymore. That's when those little gestures can really make a difference and a little thoughtfulness can go a long way. You're just a little mitzvah machine!

PS I assume u don't mean that John A & I are responsible for your bereavement policy, right?

Nope, I just accidentally deleted the "." and couldn't be bothered to fix it.

[Swamp]

Cell phone culture

[Kudzu Guillotine]

Cell phone culture

I just upgraded to an iPhone. I just hope it doesn't help to convert me into one of the millions of mindless zombies I'm always bitching about. I told the salesman that I honestly only use my phone as a phone. I don't need internet access or to be able to play Angry Birds or Tetris but these days phones are so all encompassing that they're on the verge of replacing desktop computers. A recent study showed that the urge to check your cellphone is as addictive as alcohol, tobacco and fucking. That leads to people checking their phones during the middle of conversations and worst of all, while driving. For anyone that read that article about Neil Young dousing some "fans" of his with water during one of his concerts for texting, they didn't understand what they were doing wrong. That also concerns me.

[The Black Canary]

I know that's not why you wrote that but keeping you and Bryan and family in my thoughts.

Yup. X2.

thoughts, love and hugs BTB and Bryan

[John A Arkansawyer]

1) My team lead's
2) boss's
3) boss's
4) boss
5) who, for the first time six years years of deliberate and systematic mistreatment and mismanagement of me, has finally pissed me off on both a personal and a professional level (and only the second time I've been pissed off at it period).

[The Black Canary]

1) My team lead's
2) boss's
3) boss's
4) boss
5) who, for the first time six years years of deliberate and systematic mistreatment and mismanagement of me, has finally pissed me off on both a personal and a professional level (and only the second time I've been pissed off at it period).

AMEN!!!! John A..my boss is an old school dirt bag type. Thought ending up on the news for assualting co-workers has crossed my mind, just need to find the right outfit and shoes for the news clip

[John A Arkansawyer]

1) My team lead's
2) boss's
3) boss's
4) boss
5) who, for the first time six years years of deliberate and systematic mistreatment and mismanagement of me, has finally pissed me off on both a personal and a professional level (and only the second time I've been pissed off at it period).

AMEN!!!! John A..my boss is an old school dirt bag type. Thought ending up on the news for assualting co-workers has crossed my mind, just need to find the right outfit and shoes for the news clip

Well, as it turns out, I may have been misinformed about things. I'm still not happy, but no longer pissed off about that specific incident.

[The Black Canary]

1) My team lead's
2) boss's
3) boss's
4) boss
5) who, for the first time six years years of deliberate and systematic mistreatment and mismanagement of me, has finally pissed me off on both a personal and a professional level (and only the second time I've been pissed off at it period).

AMEN!!!! John A..my boss is an old school dirt bag type. Thought ending up on the news for assualting co-workers has crossed my mind, just need to find the right outfit and shoes for the news clip

Well, as it turns out, I may have been misinformed about things. I'm still not happy, but no longer pissed off about that specific incident.

always happy to hear pissed has mellowed to not happy

[bovine knievel]

Lets
Take
A
Step
Back

[Kudzu Guillotine]

Making the piss poor decision (once again) to engage in "conversation" with LJ.

[The Black Canary]

1. the brutal previous week that has fallen my beloved Boston
2. My little girl had to be so far from home, while all this was going on (broke our hearts we couldn't just go and scoop her up on Friday)
3. the waste of human lives

[lynne]

1. - 5. My boss. The bitch ass little troll. Just because she can't handle the stress don't take it out on me or anyone else there. It comes with the 6 figure salary. Time to put some serious effort into finding a new job. I'm not gonna be treated that way.

[Penny Lane]

1. - 5. My boss. The bitch ass little troll.

i had no idea we shared a boss..funny I never see you at the water cooler..

[beantownbubba]

1. - 5. My boss. The bitch ass little troll. Just because she can't handle the stress don't take it out on me or anyone else there. It comes with the 6 figure salary. Time to put some serious effort into finding a new job. I'm not gonna be treated that way.

If you work for a big enough company and you care about keeping the job (that is, w/out the boss making you miserable) there may be ways to improve your situation. It might be worth checking w/ the HR dept. If there's no HR dept it's probably not a big enough company to have procedures to deal w/ out of control bosses. If the behavior is egregious enough to be obvious to anyone and is easy to describe (i.e. not one of those "you have to experience it to understand it" things) you might even get somewhere by challenging your boss directly, similar to the best way to handle a bully being to confront him/her. Of course, you also have to be prepared to be fired on the spot, so pick your battles.

[Smitty]

So I'm heading down a major 4-lane highway with my pregnant wife in the front and my 2 kids in the back when I notice a funeral procession heading in the opposite lane so I pull over behind the car in front of me. I sit there for about 10 minutes and it's plainly either in at the tail end of the procession or it's over, since there's two lanes of traffic moving in the opposite lane, so I pull off the side of the road (with everybody else who had pulled over) and I make it maybe ten yards when this Toyota in the right lane cuts over in front of me, catacorner blocking the entire left. I had to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting him and even slid a little as the road was still wet from rain; before I can even gather my wits and figure out what's going on, the driver (who looked like an older Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down) hops out and screams "Do you not see the funeral procession?". I'm goddamn pissed so I jump out and tell him that it's obviously over since traffic has started moving again and cuss him out for almost making me wreck but notice since we're blocking the entire southbound lane of the highway I better move before there really is an accident. It should also be notedthat the guy had one hand behind his back the entire time and I didn't think this was worth getting shot by someone who was obviously not all there. I hop back in my minivan and the guy reaches in his truck and brandishes a badge and screams that if I go around him he'd have me arrested. I spin off around him, knowing that even if the procession wasn't over, there's no law about pulling over and he was the one breaking the law, not to mention almost causing a wreck and starting a hollering match is more disrespectful to any mourners than anything. So sure enough he gets on a radio and tailgates me through town, I throw on my blinker and pull over into a parking lot hoping this idiot will follow me because by this time I'm so fucking pissed I'm shaking. The guy keeps going and my wife was fixing to call the law when we notice a logo on the side of the truck; a little local security company. I tell her not to call the law, we'll just run by the security office and see if they'll handle it. Turned out the guy wasn't even supposed to be in that part of town and it was obvious by their manner that he had give them problems before; they assured me that his actions were unacceptable and they would take care of.
I would usually hate causing anyone to lose their job, but fuck that guy.

[one belt loop]

pregnant wife?

[Smitty]

pregnant wife?

Yep - we'll have a little Stella Blue sometime around July 14.

[John A Arkansawyer]

pregnant wife?

Yep - we'll have a little Stella Blue sometime around July 14.

Escaping on Bastille Day! How apropos. She'll probably arrive singing "Arise, ye prisoners of starvation!" (Translated into newborn, that's "Waaaaaahhhhhh!")

[beantownbubba]

Smitty, you're remarkably calm considering that the guy was waaaay off the deep end of the asshole scale. I mean if i understand u correctly, he impersonated a cop, right? Nevermind the bizarre "wannabe" nature of that sort of thing*, it's most likely a crime. Don't know if it's a felony but it's gotta be a crime in every state i assume.

*Sequel to "Used to Be a Cop": "Wannabe a Cop"

[UTHeathen]

Yep - we'll have a little Stella Blue sometime around July 14.

When I got my first dog in 1995 I wanted to give her a Grateful Dead name. Not something obvious like "Cassidy" or "Magnolia". Ultimately I named her Stella Blu for the song that I had seen performed live more than any other. She quickly became not just "Blu", but my closest, most cherished companion. She's in heaven now, which I guess, is how this post relates back to the title of this tread. I despise that you have watch your pets grow up, grow old, and say goodbye long, long before you are ready to.



It all rolls into one
and nothing comes for free
There's nothing you can hold
for very long
And when you hear that song
come crying like the wind
it seems like all this life
was just a dream
Stella Blue

Congratulations Smitty. Nothin' but love for ya man.

[John A Arkansawyer]

tl;dr--Death.

In no particular order of importance, though such an order could indeed be imposed, oh yes it could:

1) So I arrived a few minutes late to a meeting Tuesday evening, but we were still checking in. That's odd, since the chair of that meeting usually tries to get us to get through check in quickly. I took a seat and said something, I'm not sure what. A few moments later, our director of religious education told me that one of our dearest congregants, a man whose life had been working with churches like ours to put them on a solid (in more ways than one) financial footing, our finance/stewardship committee chair, a faithful pulpit assistant with a joke before the offering once every month, had collapsed and died while mowing his lawn.

2) It took a brief, eternal instant to will my jaw to close and my eyes to stop bugging out and my whole face to relax. In that instant, I was fighting for just a tiny bit of peace and clarity, just a bit of silence in front of a dozen people, all of whom had received the same news I had not too many instants before. Somehow I found it, and gathered myself in it. All that Dave meant to the church, to us as human beings and fellow congregants, to his wife and his family, to the death row prisoner he gave spiritual counseling, I was just trying to hold all that to myself for a moment. Not picking and choosing among it, just holding it close.

3) When it came my time to check in so soon after, I was having to pick and choose. As board president, I drove hiring a two-year interim minister, including paying her what we should have paid our departing minister. I knew it would stretch us financially, it was more than we could easily afford, and it had to be done. Dave seldom worked miracles, but his confident, non-anxious presence would help us all endure the pain, and maybe even grow in the process. The budget meeting is next Tuesday, the congregational meeting the second of June, and I said I didn't know how we would manage, but that we would. I'm surprised I could even speak.

4) So after the meeting I called the interim, who'd worked with Dave on a capital campaign and for whom Dave's presence was a big part of why she'd applied to us, and told her the news. She pointed out that our congregation had a deep bench, and it's true: Dave was so good at sharing leadership and teaching his skills that he'll be helping us for decades. It was a comforting thought. Then I went back to the impromptu meeting to plan the departing minister's going away party. But I just couldn't get into it, and I left to drive around and play music and try to get my feet back under me.

5) There's a tension in church leadership, more for the elders than the deacons, between the need to help the church do for others the things it's there to do and the need to do (or have done) those things for yourself. I don't resent having to think about my friend Dave so soon after his death in the practical, responsible ways leadership requires--it's an inseparable part of the job and I took it on willingly, in no small part thanks to Dave--but I sure wish I didn't have to do it right about now.

Anyway. I'll leave you with what Dave always used as his sig line in email:

"It is in our lives, and not from our words, that our religion must be read." Thomas Jefferson

[beantownbubba]

2. Sitting in traffic for hours and hours and hours over 2 days.
1. Missing our freakin' flight to france.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr