Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

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Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »


and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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2 Birds with one Stone

Post by Swamp »

March 23rd was the deadline to re-up our season tickets. We've had these seats for 15 years and as my business
went to hell this past winter my son and I realized we wouldn't be there for 2012. So many great memories from
those seats. We were only 2 rows off the field. The seats are only 10 yds from the field.
Image
Peyton Manning could actually hear us when we told him how much he sucked. I just missed the back of a referee's head with
an uncooked brat that was meant for Lee Coruso, but they had a net around Lee. During the 2001 season the Tenn game was
postponed untill Dec. With that win we would have been headed to the Rose Bowl, so I brought a rose to throw
on the field, but we lost! So I gave the rose to Jill Airrington, making her day and getting high-fives from all the old
men in our section.
Image
(Jimmy Buffet in da Swamp)
My sister watching the 1997 fsu game in Portland Or. and just after Fred Taylor dove over the
goal line for the winning TD, the cameras zoomed in on my son. So many memories and it looked like it was an end
to an era.
In order to get in the Swamp these days you have donate $2000 just to be considered for seats. When we got our
seats back in the mid-90's I was donating $100 per seat. I'm grandfathered in but it has gone up from time to time
and my donation is now $250 per seat. So giving up my seats would mean not getting back in until I win the lottery.
So last thursday, the 22nd, as one of my customers is leaving for work he stops to talk sports with me and when I tell
him we won't be going to the games, he offers to find someone to buy the tix from me thus keeping my spot for the
year. I tell him $1025 for 2 but the deadline is the next day. I call Marina, she calls UF about getting an extension.
They tell her to have me email a signed request. I do and they granted me 1 week. :D Now to find a buyer. Buy the
following thursday I hadn't heard a thing. While working at the same customers house he came home, walked right over
to me and said he was buying the tix. Then he asks me if I would go to the games he doesn't go to :D So now I'm working
on a secret project and they are gonna come home to a big surprise in the very near future ;)
As far as 2 birds with 1 stone, ATO had sent Marina some posters to put up for the up coming DBT show. So we made
the trip to Gainesville on the deadline with cash in hand.
And Zip, if you make the move, plan on a trip to the Swamp.
It'll change you!!

Image
Jessie and I have already started saving for the 2013 season :D
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Swampa
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Not exactly a tale from the Swamp but I didn't know where to put it.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... 1OSO0O.DTL
The plane in question is a P-2V Neptune. These were anti-submarine aircraft used by the Navy
from the 50's till the early 70's

Image
(A P2V from my dads squadron flying over Deception Pass at the northern end of Whidby island.)
When my dads squadron was getting ready to return to the states from Iwakuni, Japan there was
some kind of mechanical problem with his plane. As plane Capt he was the chief engineer (basicly
same job as Scotty on the Enterprise) It was his job to decide whether the plane could make it back.
They were ready to come home and the parts would take 2 weeks to get there. So what did my dad do?
He told the pilot "shut your mouth and get your ass on the plane."
The P2V was replaced by the P-3 Orion which is now being replace by the Navy. These P-3's would make
great replacements for the forrestry dept.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

When I got home today there was a cottonmouth laying on the log in the creek next to our gate.
So I kicked the log.
Motherfuckers.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Howlinwolf
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Howlinwolf »

You let em' know who is boss of the SWAMP!

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Image
Saw this as we were on our way home from the fair Sunday.
Marina kept screaming for me to get back in the truck but I was trying to get the perfect
shot and I was directing traffic around him so he could get to the other side.
(I was wearing my crocs by the way)
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Some of our Skynyrd frynds from around the world.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

It's a very long snake...........
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Swamp wrote:Well actually it's 6 now from the same blood line but I thought the familiar title might hook some people in.
I've wanted to do this story since last August but with all the real writters on this board I felt a little inpemadated.
But with the help of my friends George, Jameson & Mark I'm feeling pretty inbensible edcfrvgtbhynjum wow I just typed with my forehead.
No time for corrections must complete beforefb n,m,./

So much for mixing my brown liquor :roll:
Every time I start to write this it's different. Do I start at the beginning, do I go backwards or do I just jump around.
Still not sure yet but here goes. Today as I was working in the yard and I passed by Clyde's grave I thought about something someone had wrote in
another thread about how horses were the only domestic animal that passed things down to the next generation.

Image
Clyde passed in July 2011,only 8 months after Leo (the dog in my "working this job" contest video) passed. Some of yall might remember seeing me
in Aug that year :shock: Clyde was a red coon hound. He howled just like a bloodhound. My brother was his second owner and his name had been Copper
but my brother changed it to Clyde. My brother lived in town and Clyde just wasn't a city dog. David could not keep him in the yard and we agreed to take
him just before my brother went to Iraq in 2003. Within a few weeks I could drive in and out of the gate without Clyde trying to escape. Clyde had been
fixed and though I wish he could have, he added nothing to the bloodline. In 2006 Leo(not part of the original blood line) and Shultzy "the snake slayer"
had 2 puppies, and only one made it. We named him Patterson. Leo went to work with me everyday and Clyde became Patterson's big brother. When
Patterson was born there were 4 other dogs alive. Clyde, Leo, Shultzy and his great grandmother, Winnie(the brain eater) For the most part our male dogs
become house puppies while our bitches tend to like the night watch. At the time of Clyde's passing he had one of those large smoked flavored cow bones.
We placed it on his grave and Patterson never even looked at it. One night Marina and I were sitting on the couch watching tv with Patterson curled up on
our ottoman when it occurred to us that we needed another yard dog. We got Amber Jean in Sept '11 and she has never messed with that bone. Patterson
and Amber's pups will be a year old in this month. Little Bonnie and Liesky will eat anything they can get their mouths on. I found the label off a lawn mower
engine in the yard. I don't know where the engine is. Margo ate my cell phone today. Clyde's bone is still there.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

So this wasn't going to be the next story in my series, in fact it didn't exist until a few days ago.
It all started about a month ago as we prepared for guest we would be having this month.
Marina cleaned up the house and yard and I cleaned up the truck.
I had put all the stuff that I had deemed burnable in a bag atop my burn pile.
We usually have 2 burn piles of yard trash. One in the front(stuff I drag home)
and one in the back(stuff Marina don't want in the yard). About every 3 or 4
months when the weather is right (wet & rainy) I'll torch one with a little help
from about 16oz of gas.
We were planning on burning the big pile in the front off on the night we were
having a low country boil, while our guest we here. The pile was about six feet
high straight up on all sides and my bag of trash was right on top. The weather
did not cooperate and I cancelled the fire.
As I stated in the previous story Little Bonnie & Liesky are heathens and will
eat anything they can touch with their mouth. I was at work and out of the corner
of her eye Marina saw the dogs acting strangely. Thinking snake she grabbed the
nearest shovel (they're strategically placed around the yard) and headed their
way. As she got close she noticed something smoldering on the ground near the
burn pile. She said it was oozing and smoking. Not having a hose nearby she
begin to cover it with dirt until it stopped. Oh did I mention Little Bonnie is also
part mt. goat. When I got home and got Marina off my ass I went to investigate.
There was some kinda of something in her dirt pile that I couldn't identify.
There were bits and pieces of styrofoam cups and boxes scattered nearby.
My 16oz of gas in a plastic coke bottle that I had place on a nearby work bench
was missing. Did Bonnie & Liesky make napalm? :shock:
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Clams
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Clams »

His and hers trash piles. I like it.
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....and lived to tell about it?

Post by Swamp »

Last friday night, the 14th, I was working on one of my mowers. I was in a panic cause my main mower had gone down and was in the shop with something I couldn't fix with a 2 week waiting time. The mower I was working on had been sitting on my mower ramp since April. I use Walker mowers and I had the mowing deck off of this mower. I crawled under and was spraying the nuts and bolts on the bottom side of the blower with WD 40 when I noticed a frog sitting in the opening. I shooed him away and as i did this my hand went in the blower and something brushed the top of my hand. I continued what I was doing and forgot about it. I couldn't lift the body of the mower up to get to the top of the blower so I phoned my son and made arangments for my son to come down on Sat to help me out and I called it a night. We lifted the body on Saturday and sprayed the nuts and bolts on top the blower but i wasn't able to get back to the mower till Sunday. I crawled underneath to remove the nuts and bolts I had sprayed friday night and the frog had returned. I shooed him away with a wrench and removed all the nuts and bolts from the bottom. My face was only about 6 inches from the blower opening. I then stood up and started removing the nuts and bolts from the top of the blower. That's when I saw the snake. In the blower where my hand had been friday night! I used a rake handle to turn the blower blades and bring the snake up to the top (kinda like a ferris wheel) so i could identify it. Sure enough it was a cottenmouth! I pulled the rake out and it spun back to the bottom of the blower. It wasn't planning leaving its spot either. I hollard for Marina to bring me a shovel. I didn't want to shoot my mower full of holes and risk a flat tire. Marina brought the shovel and after finally coaxing it out with the rake handle I atempted to hack it. The shovel didn't go all the way through and I didn't want to lift the shovel and let him escape so Marina got another shovel and finished the job. As I tossed its remains over the fence it occured to me that his head was about as wide as a couple of prick marks on the top of my hand. I had wrote the marks off as wrench knuckle when I cleaned up Friday night..............they weren't.
0
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: ....and lived to tell about it?

Post by Markalanbishop »

Swamp wrote:Last friday night, the 14th, I was working on one of my mowers. I was in a panic cause my main mower had gone down and was in the shop with something I couldn't fix with a 2 week waiting time. The mower I was working on had been sitting on my mower ramp since April. I use Walker mowers and I had the mowing deck off of this mower. I crawled under and was spraying the nuts and bolts on the bottom side of the blower with WD 40 when I noticed a frog sitting in the opening. I shooed him away and as i did this my hand went in the blower and something brushed the top of my hand. I continued what I was doing and forgot about it. I couldn't lift the body of the mower up to get to the top of the blower so I phoned my son and made arangments for my son to come down on Sat to help me out and I called it a night. We lifted the body on Saturday and sprayed the nuts and bolts on top the blower but i wasn't able to get back to the mower till Sunday. I crawled underneath to remove the nuts and bolts I had sprayed friday night and the frog had returned. I shooed him away with a wrench and removed all the nuts and bolts from the bottom. My face was only about 6 inches from the blower opening. I then stood up and started removing the nuts and bolts from the top of the blower. That's when I saw the snake. In the blower where my hand had been friday night! I used a rake handle to turn the blower blades and bring the snake up to the top (kinda like a ferris wheel) so i could identify it. Sure enough it was a cottenmouth! I pulled the rake out and it spun back to the bottom of the blower. It wasn't planning leaving its spot either. I hollard for Marina to bring me a shovel. I didn't want to shoot my mower full of holes and risk a flat tire. Marina brought the shovel and after finally coaxing it out with the rake handle I atempted to hack it. The shovel didn't go all the way through and I didn't want to lift the shovel and let him escape so Marina got another shovel and finished the job. As I tossed its remains over the fence it occured to me that his head was about as wide as a couple of prick marks on the top of my hand. I had wrote the marks off as wrench knuckle when I cleaned up Friday night..............they weren't.
0
Holy crap. You get sick? And dibs on "Wrench Knuckle" as a band name. Finally:

Kick out the jams motherfuckers.

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

If I hadn't found the snake I would have never known. I would be wondering why 2 little spots haven't healed yet. Little Bonnie and Lieski killed one about a month ago. It got Bonnie on the ear but didn't seem to effect her though. 3 weeks ago Marina thought she heard the snake bark coming from the back yard. When she looked out the window, Patterson and Margo were fighting with a snapping turtle. By the time she got out there Patterson had been bit on the nose and Margo had the turtle by the neck shaking it.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Slipkid42 »

Swampbrother, those are mighty fine tales you tell. Now I gotta ask Paula if she would run for the other shovel, if I was a 1/2 a shovel into a cottonmouth.
A thousand clusterfucks will not kill my tiny light

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

:lol:
Last edited by Swamp on Tue Oct 25, 2016 6:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

Slipkid42 wrote:Swampbrother, those are mighty fine tales you tell. Now I gotta ask Paula if she would run for the other shovel, if I was a 1/2 a shovel into a cottonmouth.
Marina can kill some snakes. She's thrown a shovel like a spear and killed. About a year ago she threw a big rock over our fence at a snake that was crawling along the fence line. She didn't kill it but it was pinned until I got home. I prefer the shotgun myself. She knows it's there any time she want's it. Poisonous snakes only. We like our black snakes and yellow rat snakes in fact she's had to beat our dogs off the 6' yellow rat snake that lives in our back yard.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by whatwouldcooleydo? »

Swamp wrote: I prefer the shotgun myself. She knows it's there any time she want's it.
I see what you did there ;)
Son, this ain't a dream no more, it's the real thing

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by whatwouldcooleydo? »

Swamp wrote:she's had to beat our dogs off
Image
Son, this ain't a dream no more, it's the real thing

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by Swamp »

whatwouldcooleydo? wrote:
Swamp wrote:she's had to beat our dogs off
Image
I just told her I can't change it now, someone has already quoted it. :lol:
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: Return of the Tales (from the Swamp)

Post by whatwouldcooleydo? »

Swamp wrote:
whatwouldcooleydo? wrote:
Swamp wrote:she's had to beat our dogs off
Image
I just told her I can't change it now, someone has already quoted it. :lol:
it's what I'm here for :D
Son, this ain't a dream no more, it's the real thing

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Wawkin' in a Rok

Post by Swamp »

Swamp wrote:
beantownbubba wrote:
phungi wrote:my prediction is that Bill shows up at the Swamp residence to reply in person...
Nah, that would be too easy. He'll show up at a show the Swamps decided at the last minute they had to see in Alabama or some other place not close to home and then... a tap on the shoulder.

.
Reminds me of a great story but I haven't got time right now. See who's everyone seeing live thread.
Wawkin' in a Rok
A couple of years ago as btb pointed out we showed up at a festival in Atlanta unanounced. Three of our favorite bands,
DBT, SCOTS and Shovels and Rope plus food trucks. How could we not go? We parked at a marta station near the park and proceded to the show. After getting some taco's we headed to the VIP bar where we had some drinks with Markalanbishop.
(were I told him the SoS/Bowden story)
Disclaimer for rest of story. Thought process of stoners.
So after a few drinks it was time to burn. Night time ain't so bad but it was broad daylight. I started surveying the crowd looking for a spot where the people were kinda thick. After a short scan I told Mrs S to go stand in front of that tall guy with the wok on his head as I pointed to the middle of the crowd. We proceeded with the plan, we would just bend over a little and no one would see us. Well except for the guy in the wok. I lit the doob, handed it Mrs S and turned to see if wok-man noticed. Holy Fuck Balls!!
It was Athens Joe.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Clams
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Re: Wawkin' in a Rok

Post by Clams »

Swamp wrote: So after a few drinks it was time to burn. Night time ain't so bad but it was broad daylight. I started surveying the crowd looking for a spot where the people were kinda thick. After a short scan I told Mrs S to go stand in front of that tall guy with the wok on his head as I pointed to the middle of the crowd. We proceeded with the plan, we would just bend over a little and no one would see us. Well except for the guy in the wok. I lit the doob, handed it Mrs S and turned to see if wok-man noticed. Holy Fuck Balls!!
It was Athens Joe.
Bringing things full circle, Athens Joe does the world's best Bill in CT imitation. Must be seen to be believed.
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Shameless (I was a very bad kid)

Post by Swamp »

Just started watching the US version and episode 4 reminded me of something I did as a kid. As a stated in an earlier story my dad always got his shore duty at NAS Memphis where he would teach a or b school. It was the early 60's and we lived in the trailer park on the base. I was in first grade and we rode gray navy buses to the school which was off base. The driver would be a seabee and we would have a marine gaurd. I don't know why. we were only elementary kids. Maybe it was the cuban missle crisis? Anyways the marine carried a clip board, for what, I don't know.
There was younger kid in the trailer park that followed me everywhere. One day he followed me to the bus stop asking me where I was going. I couldn't help myself and told him "candyland" Needless to say he got on the bus too. When we got to the school I went to my class and forgot about him. My mom said there was quite a commotion on the base as they looked for the kid. Meanwhile at the school this kid was wandering around looking for candyland. The school had no clue who he was but he knew my name...................just another kid that wasn't allowd to play with me anymore.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: Shameless (I was a very bad kid)

Post by Swamp »

Swamp wrote:Just started watching the US version and episode 4 reminded me of something I did as a kid. As a stated in an earlier story my dad always got his shore duty at NAS Memphis where he would teach a or b school. It was the early 60's and we lived in the trailer park on the base. I was in first grade and we rode gray navy buses to the school which was off base. The driver would be a seabee and we would have a marine gaurd. I don't know why. we were only elementary kids. Maybe it was the cuban missle crisis? Anyways the marine carried a clip board, for what, I don't know.
There was younger kid in the trailer park that followed me everywhere. One day he followed me to the bus stop asking me where I was going. I couldn't help myself and told him "candyland" Needless to say he got on the bus too. When we got to the school I went to my class and forgot about him. My mom said there was quite a commotion on the base as they looked for the kid. Meanwhile at the school this kid was wandering around looking for candyland. The school had no clue who he was but he knew my name...................just another kid that wasn't allowd to play with me
anymore.
If you didn't read this last week I can't show you video of what the fuck you missed like the fucking tv show does!
How I ever got through elementary school is a mystery to me. I started 2nd grade in Millington but then my dad got transfered to Whidby Island. It took about a week to move up there. We did the route 66 thing, the grand canyon, Vegas and Hoover Damn. I was so confused at school and basicly have no memory of that time other than building damns in the guys irregation system next to the trailer park. He raised hell with my mom quite a few times about this as my dad was doing his first tour of Vietnam. I explained the 6 months here and 6 months overseas in an earlier story. The school thing really fucked me up and I had to do the 2nd grade again. When my dad did his second tour of Veitnam my mom packed us up and moved to her home town of Brewton, Ala. where I was some how smarter than the other kids. But alas before the school year ended we moved back to Whidby where I was just a kid that nobody understood what I was saying. Living in Brewton with all my redneck cousins learnt me how to fight, so don't fuck with me! The school.in Coupsville Wa. did send me to speech school to try to teach me how to talk like a yankee but then the next year when my dad did his 3rd tour we moved back to Brewton. So much for learning how to speak like a yankee.
"Think of all the luck you got
Know that it's not for naught"
Now the people in Brewton didn't understand what I was saying!
Then we moved back to Whidby where I finished out the 3rd grade and my dad was transfered back to NAS Memphis. He had made CPO (E-7) while in Nam and had his own coffee cup with Snoopy on the side of it saying "Fuck it". His new rank meant we wouldn't have live in a trailer park anymore and he would be head of the school he used to teach at. The coffee cup would come in handy.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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Re: Dead, Drunk and Naked

Post by Swamp »

When I was a young boy I sniffed alot of glue..............but who do I blame? My dad, the Boy Scouts of America or testors?
I guess it was inevitable, after all, I had had a drinking problem between the ages of 2 & 3. I drank anything that was in a bottle.
Mostly products I found under the kitchen sink but I did venture into the bathroom or really splurge and hit my moms dresser for some expensive perfume. All the medical staff knew me on sight at the hospital on NAS Argentia, Newfoundland. They would just point to the room with the stomach pumping machine. Stuff musta gave me super strength cause the 5 year old next door WOULD NOT come out when I was in the yard. My mom says I would kick his butt if he did.
Truth is I never relized I had been addicted until about 5 years ago while listening to that song. It just hit me like a ton of Brits.
In the summer of 68 my dad was transfered to NAS Memphis. We moved into an old plantation house near Lucy, Tenn. My dad hosted a den or pack of Webelos. I don't remember what merit badge I was working on but one day my dad brought home a model kit of the USS Arizona and the rest as they say..............
(on a side note there was a dupont plant about 2 miles from the house)
At the end of my forth grade year we moved to base housing on NAS Memphis. I had a bicycle and the base was mine. My dad had a nice garden and my brother and I would pull his wagon through the neighborhood selling vegtables to the navy wives. So I always had model money. I always felt so good when I was putting models together. Mostly WWII aircraft but I liked funny cars too. By the summer following the 6th grade I wss either putting one together or looking for a new one. I would get up early so I could have all my chores done and be waiting at the gate when the CPO pool opened for the day. (even back then I had to be first in line) Back then they would let you bring in swim fins and diving mask. I would spend the first hour swiming back and forth across the pool seeing how far I could go without coming up. Then I would hang out by the diving board(mostly jumpers) hoping to see some tops come off. If I was lucky a girl would dive in and maybe I could see what all the fuss was about and why nobody wanted to be called a pussy. After a couple hours in the pool and I'd be off to the hobby shop or navy exchange looking for a new model. I never even thought about huffing and I didn't realize it was the glue that made me feel so good. In the middle of 7th grade we moved to Jacksonville. They stuck me in a wood shop class where I would laugh at the dumb asses huffy paint and thiner, then I'd hop on my bike and ride home as fast as I could so I could put a model together. While listening to DD&N a few years back it dawned on me, I quit putting models together about the same time I started smoking weed.
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

Swamp
Posts: 2732
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2010 6:31 pm
Location: the swamps of northern Florida

The boys from Alabama

Post by Swamp »

About 20 years ago I had gone back to a LA for a funeral. My closest cousin and I had gone out for a ride. After a while we stopped on the bank of Murder Creek. My cousin pulled out a oxycontin and started grinding it up pn his saddle horn. Then he rolled up a five dollar bill and snorted about half of it. He offered the rest to me that I declined. I've never cared much for pills, much less snorting them.
Back when qualudes was the thing my then brother in law loved to smoke them. I hated that shit and his bong always had qualude sesidue in it.
After I declined my cousin finished it off and turned around backwards in his saddle and proceeded to roll a fatty. This I could appriciate. After we started burning he opened the saddle bag on the pony that had been following us. It was budwieser in the can. I hate budwieser. Luckily with the help of the Alabama swamp weed I was able to imagine it was a burro with saddle bags of XX
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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