Alcohol related quotes

[alicedmillionaire]

Driving to work today, I heard "Too Long in the Wasteland" by James McMurtry. It contains one of my favorite quotes about alcohol:
"But whiskey don't make liars, it just makes fools
So I didn't mean to say it, but I meant what I said."

This lead me to think of other alcohol related quotes, next up was:
"It don't make you do a thing, it just let's you." - M. Cooley

So, I thought of a few more and would like to read some of your favorites...

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" - T. Waits
"Ok brain, I don't like you and you don't like me. Let's just get through this, so I can get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson
"That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen." " - Charles Bukowski
"Always do when sober, what you say you will when drunk. It will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway

[Cotter]

"Mouth grow shut, no drinky, no smokey"

-As written by wrekkr during some stupid board game as his greatest fear-

[littlemamma]

Happy Birthday Lisa, good evening Jim Beam

Beer and Tequila, I've always been a thrill seeker.

[one belt loop]

"God never did work very well for me."

"Shall we have another martini?"

- The Sun Also Rises

[Zip City]

"But when I drink
I hear things that aren't really there
I feel things when I shouldn't really care
Have fist fights with the air"

- "When I Drink" - The Avett Brothers

[Slipkid42]

There's a lot of doctors tell me
That I'd better start slowing it down
But there's more old drunks than there are old doctors
So I guess we'd better have another round

I Gotta Get Drunk - Willie Nelson

[wrekkr]

"work is the curse of the drinking class"

[Tequila Cowboy]

"I ain't drunk, I'm just drinkin'"- Albert Collins

[littlemamma]

“I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table / Four and I'm under the host”
Dorothy Parker

"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up"

" I saw this wino eating grapes. and I was like dude, you have to wait"

"My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.

-Mitch Hedberg

[The Black Canary]

Next morning "hey you didn't have those tattoos last night"

[Lurleen McQueen]

Hank Williams, Jr. "Family Tradition"

Lordy, I have loved some ladies
And I have loved Jim Beam
And they both tried to kill me in 1973
And when that doctor asked me
Son, how did you get in this condition
I said, hey, sawbones I'm just carryin on
An old family tradition

[tinnitus photography]

heavy tune about drinking, from St Vitus

Dying Inside

I have got to change my ways
'Cause I'm losing my mind
I have got to stop drinking
'Cause I'm dying inside
I feel twice as old as I am
And it's getting worse
I'm in the palm of habit's hand
I can't escape the curse

There is nothing that I can do
I have no self control
I have let myself become dead
I have ruined my soul
Every time I wake up sick
I say never again
But then opportunity knocks
And I'm wasted my friend

I can't control my addiction
I've tried time and time again
I'm losing all my friends and lovers
Alcohol knows it's gonna win

Now I have lost everything
And I really don't care
Everybody that I have known
Has out cast me here
Drinking has wasted my life
And I'm dying inside
I feel twice as old as I am
I've lost what left of my mind

I can't control my addiction
I've tried time and time again
I'm losing all my friends and lovers
Alcohol knows it's gonna win

[Tequila Cowboy]

One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer
Hey mister bartender come here
I want another drink and I want it now

the great John Lee Hooker

[never going back]

On the fourth night of my drinking I had to go it all alone
As my friends list was shrinking and I was sinking like a stone
I had a steely eye and a mouth full of grit
My disposition had gone full tilt
There was a taste in my mouth, I wasn't liking it...
-DBT, 4th Night

Last night I slept with my boots on again
One cut on my forehead and one of my chin
On the hard old floor
With nothin' to cover up with...
-DBT, Love Like This

[bovine knievel]

[sactochris]

My favorites have pretty much all been mentioned. The Bukowski quote is my favorite. My favorite alchohol related song is The Last Shot by Lou Reed. That one pretty much sums it all up.

[B-rad G]

Indianapolis Colts kicker Pat McAfee was arrested recently for public intoxication.

Police asked McAfee how much he had to drink.

''A lot cause I am drunk,'' McAfee said, according to the report.

[Beebs]

"What are you looking at, Sugar Tits?"

[The Black Canary]

"What are you looking at, Sugar Tits?"

Hey that happened one time with with Why Henry Drinks and she hasn't called me that in forever!!!!

[Fool No Where]

"Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer."

"Grab a beer, don't cost nuthin."

"Whiskey's too rough, champagne costs too much, and vodka puts my mouth in gear
Aw, this little refrain should help me explain as a matter of fact i love beer."

"Did you get me my Cheez Wiz, boy?"

"I've got my wife, the other women, and the whiskey killing me.
The first two make it so that I see red. The third one makes it so that I can't see."

[Tequila Cowboy]

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson

[Zip City]

"I'm drinkin' some George Jones,
and a little bit of Coe
Haggard's easin' my misery
and Waylon's keepin' me from home
Hank's givin' me those high times -
Cash is gonna sing it low
I'm here gettin' wasted -
just like my country heroes"

- "Country Heroes" - Hank III

"I've been a moonshiner,
For seventeen long years,
I've spent all my money,
On whiskey and beer,
I go to some hollow,
And sit at my still
And if whiskey dont kill me,
Then I dont know what will,

I go to some bar room,
And drink with my friends,
Where the women cant follow,
And see what I spend,
God bless them pretty women,
I wish they was mine,
Their breath is as sweet as,
The dew on the vine,

Let me eat when I am hungry,
Let me drink when I am dry,
A dollar when I am hard up,
Religion when I die,
The whole world's a bottle,
And life's but a dram,
When the bottle gets empty,
It sure aint worth a damn."

- "Moonshiner"

[scotto]

“I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table / Four and I'm under the host”
Dorothy Parker

That's a great one, LM. An evening of cocktails with Mrs. Parker would be one of my dream dates.
This has always been one of my favorites, from The Big Sleep:

General Sternwood: How do you like your brandy, sir?
Bogart as Philip Marlowe: In a glass.

But one of the best is the running gag of W.C. Fields in The Bank Dick as Egbert Sousè and his daily forays to the Black Pussy Cafe.

Fields to Joe the bartender (Shemp Howard): Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?
Joe: Yeah.
Fields: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind--I thought I'd lost it.

It's at about 5:20...

[bovine knievel]

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

[4sooner]

Alcohol & pills, it's a cryin shame
You think they might have been happy with the glory & the fame
But fame doesn't take away the pain, it just pays the bills
And you wind up on alcohol & pills

-Fred Eaglesmith

[littlemamma]

Where's my nurse with my bottle of pills?
She said she'd be right back...
with the Jack
-Whiskeytown

[Cotter]

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. ~John Marcellus Huston

If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic. ~Author Unknown

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler

If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. ~Joseph Schenck

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. ~W.C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. ~Author Unknown

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. ~Scottish Proverb

Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune. ~Giuseppe Garibaldi

I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. ~Phil Harris

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. ~Robert Heinlein

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. ~Henny Youngman

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~Henny Youngman

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. ~Winston Churchill

Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink. ~W.H. Davies

Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey. ~"Pappy" Maverick, in Maverick

[sactochris]

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler

That's priceless!

[littlemamma]

It'll be through with me before I'm through with it.

[Slipkid42]

Won't somebody please remodel me
All I wonder is where can that bottle be

from Moon & Pine - Slipkid42