dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

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Clams
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dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Clams »

What better way to honor President's Day, right?

I'm not sure I ever looked at these lyrics before. Funny how Patterson's got it written up as part song/part screenplay. And as usual, there's a serious message mixed in with the laughs - in this case delivered in the last two lines of the song.
(NEWS FLASH!!!)
(scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:)

"They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President's penis?"

"It ain't in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain't in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President's penis?"

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:)
"Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80's we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldn't explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson's name"

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:)
";Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn't no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn't care
and John Kennedy's penis was SEEN EVERYWHERE!

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
"Them outer space people would laugh if they'd seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but we're more concerned with the President's penis"

THE END?
Everyone needs a friend, everyone needs a fuck

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GuitarManUpstairs
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by GuitarManUpstairs »

So who's gonna be the first to say they've always had a "soft spot" for The President's Penis? :lol:
Never going back to Buttholeville. (Good luck with that!)

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sactochris
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by sactochris »

What's mising is Obama's balls. Someone needs to write a song about that.
Keep calm and have a cigar

Duke Silver
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Duke Silver »

Huh. I kinda hate this song (to the point that I deleted it from my digital copy of PD), but I enjoyed reading the lyrics with Patterson's stage direction. Kinda makes me want to go back and listen to it, but now I can't. Life is cruel sometimes.
ain't no static on the gospel radio

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mwh
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by mwh »

I like the ole's

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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

This has never been a favorite but the words ARE funny, even more so when you read them. It would have made for one hell of an SNL skit.
We call him Scooby Do, but Scooby doesn’t do. Scooby, is not involved

Swamp
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Swamp »

I like to refer to today as "turn a blind eye day" but I digress.
And yes, those last 2 lines are perfect.
Anyways another one from the request show and the Swamp vault.
The :40 mark would be the perfect picture for the elect Cooley/Patterson shirts
and the rest as they say is uh er uh, well somebodies history somewhere?

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dime in the gutter
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by dime in the gutter »

remember what a big deal that whole fucking thing was. it was all the news or washington talked about for 3 fucking years....kinda funny that so many of the impeach crowd have had similar personal failings since.

slick willie's taped deposition is still one of my all time favorite moments in human history. fucking brilliant tv. watergate tapes were too high brow....this was about blow jobs and semen stained blue dresses. only a conflicted son of the south could pull that off.....made me proud.

the question is......how did patterson out absurd a cosmically absurd situation while using well known history as his basis of perspective? or maybe that was the easy part. it is america.

i think it's fucking hysterical.

kashmir it ain't....but then again, the opposite also holds true.

ole'.

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Tequila Cowboy
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Tequila Cowboy »

dime in the gutter wrote:remember what a big deal that whole fucking thing was. it was all the news or washington talked about for 3 fucking years....kinda funny that so many of the impeach crowd have had similar personal failings since.

slick willie's taped deposition is still one of my all time favorite moments in human history. fucking brilliant tv. watergate tapes were too high brow....this was about blow jobs and semen stained blue dresses. only a conflicted son of the south could pull that off.....made me proud.

the question is......how did patterson out absurd a cosmically absurd situation while using well known history as his basis of perspective? or maybe that was the easy part. it is america.

i think it's fucking hysterical.

kashmir it ain't....but then again, the opposite also holds true.

ole'.


Yeah, it's posts like this that make me occasionally wish we had a "like" button on 3DD. Then the moment passes. Right on dime, you nailed it.
We call him Scooby Do, but Scooby doesn’t do. Scooby, is not involved

UncleFrank1990
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by UncleFrank1990 »

Love this song. LOVE the last two lines. There's some hard truth there. Bonus points for watching a documentary on the Clinton scandal just this past hour....

RMD
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by RMD »

It's not that I don't care for this tune, just has a very "B" side feel to it. I feel PD would be a even stronger album without it. Sticks out like a sore thumb to me. I always skip it.

Gator McKlusky
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Gator McKlusky »

Its funny the first time you listen to it; the second time not so much and it is just irritating to me now. my least favorite Patterson song.
Looks like a bunch of little whiny fucksticks to me

Zip City
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Zip City »

Gator McKlusky wrote:Its funny the first time you listen to it; the second time not so much and it is just irritating to me now. my least favorite Patterson song.


+1
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'Scratch
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by 'Scratch »

Duke Silver wrote:Huh. I kinda hate this song (to the point that I deleted it from my digital copy of PD), but I enjoyed reading the lyrics with Patterson's stage direction. Kinda makes me want to go back and listen to it, but now I can't. Life is cruel sometimes.


I'm with you on this. The lyrics may be good, but the song...well, it gets skipped by default.
Not forever, just for now.

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cortez the killer
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by cortez the killer »

Image
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RolanK
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by RolanK »

Not one of my favourites either, and I normally do not gravitate towards music that was written with the intention to be funny and humorous. However I see this as an example of Pattersons ability to sit down and write a song that follows an idea and in a very uncompromision way is able to communicate a story and at the same time make it work musically.
Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa

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bovine knievel
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by bovine knievel »

this song makes me laugh
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Kudzu Guillotine
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by Kudzu Guillotine »

One of the few songs by the Truckers that I skip on a pretty regular basis, the others being "Your Daddy Hates Me" and "You and Your Crystal Meth". Not too bad considering how many albums they have out now.

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fistfightsandtears
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by fistfightsandtears »

Gator McKlusky wrote:Its funny the first time you listen to it; the second time not so much and it is just irritating to me now. my least favorite Patterson song.

yeah
its kinda like an erection at church, you just can't beat it

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pearlbeer
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by pearlbeer »

Resurrecting this thread, in hopes that tomorrow, the new President's Penis is Missing.....permanently. :o

...and now this song needs to be added back into the Rock Show Rotation. :D
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by beantownbubba »

pearlbeer wrote:Resurrecting this thread, in hopes that tomorrow, the new President's Penis is Missing.....permanently. :o

...and now this song needs to be added back into the Rock Show Rotation. :D
:lol:

Old songs never die, they just get reinterpreted.
What used to be is gone and what ought to be ought not to be so hard

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ramonz
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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by ramonz »

beantownbubba wrote:
pearlbeer wrote:Resurrecting this thread, in hopes that tomorrow, the new President's Penis is Missing.....permanently. :o

...and now this song needs to be added back into the Rock Show Rotation. :D
:lol:

Old songs never die, they just get reinterpreted.
That's hilarious.

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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by John A Arkansawyer »

The sooner we put those assholes in the grave&piss on the dirt above it, the better off we'll be

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Re: dbt track # 90 The President's Penis Is Missing

Post by John A Arkansawyer »

Time to redo this one as what else but The Resident's Meanness Is Pissing ¿oké?
The sooner we put those assholes in the grave&piss on the dirt above it, the better off we'll be

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