quicklist 69. top 5 ways dbt can up their sex appeal

[dime in the gutter]

1. return of grizzly neff. (in a landslide)
2. manscaping.
3. get cooley a pole.
4. get shonna a pole also.
5. shirtless male back up dancers.

[Smitty]

1. Neffbeard
2. more leather
3.
4. Shonna wearing a meat dress
5. Neffbeard

[beantownbubba]

I hear gwyneth paltrow wants to be a country singer...

Just sayin'...

[Clams]

1. Cooley could blow dry his hair
2. Leather pants for Patterson
3. Flying Burrito-style nudy suits for everyone
4. Co-headline a tour with those douchebags who got shit on by the pigeons (I forget their name)
5. Replace the bottle of Jack with pretty glasses of fruity martinis.

[Kudzu Guillotine]

If this didn't do it, nothing ever will:

[tinnitus photography]

I hear gwyneth paltrow wants to be a country singer...

Just sayin'...

have you heard that atrocity?


btw, big to the pole dancer 'chop

[Flying Rabbit]

1. Mini Stonehenge set-piece with dancing mini-druids
2. Double neck bass guitar
3. Triple neck guitar
4. Slip n' Slide entrances onto stage

[drtpants]

Greatest...Thread...Ever...!

[beantownbubba]

I hear gwyneth paltrow wants to be a country singer...

Just sayin'...

have you heard that atrocity?


btw, big to the pole dancer 'chop

Saw/heard the movie preview. That was more than enough. A little part of my mid life crisis died that day.

[Iowan]

-Cooley in a gimp outfit complete with mask

-Neff and EZB have a beard-off

-Shonna in a black leather w/a police hat

-Patterson wearing a suit and tie and Ace Frehely make up

-Jay's set up on high risers above and behind EZB

[sactochris]

-Shonna in a black leather w/a police hat

This one kinda made my ears prick up.

[cortez the killer]

-Shonna in a black leather w/a police hat

This one kinda made my ears prick up.

Ears huh?

[Flying Rabbit]

two words: underwater drumkit

[Lurleen McQueen]

Billy Bob Thornton named his latest band "The Boxmasters" and they sold condoms (in a little matchbook) that said COMING This summer.

There you go...more sexually-themed merch

[beantownbubba]

Billy Bob Thornton named his latest band "The Boxmasters" and they sold condoms (in a little matchbook) that said COMING This summer.

There you go...more sexually-themed merch

The "Birthday Boy" line alone could be 20 items or more!

[Maluca3]

[RevMatt]

I will address each band member (with the exception of Shonna) individually.

Let's face. DBT may be a lot of things, but sexy they aren't. From Patterson's habit of never tucking his shirt in to Brad Morgan's beard, Drive By Truckers are not going to end up on the cover of GQ or Esquire any time soon. But they are not a hopeless cause. Here are some things they ought to consider.

Cooley -- The Stroker Ace has carefully cultivated his raggedy, Keef by way of Alabama personna over they years. The man seems to forget his razor half the time when he is on the road and his hairstyle is a disaster. But it wasn't always this way. Below is a video from the eighties that is proof that Cooley is no stranger to the beauty parlor. To maximize his sex appeal he needs to return to the Cooley '88 look. Just look at the feathered mullet below. He could be fronting a hair metal band!



Hood -- The other Dimmer Twin commits any number of fashion faux pas onstage. Those fancy glasses he purchased a couple years back are a step in the right direction but that hat he has been wearing these past couple months has got to go. Only clean shaven high school kids can pull that off and, lets face it, Waylon Jennings wouldn't be caught dead in a hat like that. I also think Hood should lose the beard and give leather a try. Think Lou Reed on the Mistrial album cover. Or better yet, the urban professorial look Lou Reed sported during the New York and Magic and Loss period.

Neff -- Neff needs to sport the GQ young executive look. Izod shirts and other -- non-plaid -- golf apparel would work well for him. And maybe on of those blue tooth cell phone thingies behind his ear. Dressed up like that you can practically see the man behind the wheel of a beamer. And despite what you think about middle aged yuppies, those guys are the Don Draper's of today.

Jay -- Appearance wise, he is the one male member of DBT I wouldn't touch. But he has to stop the slouching! Seriously, during the next two week break the band should all chip in to send the man to charm school. Walking around balancing a book on his head would cure him of the slouching habit pronto!

EZ Beat -- At first glance you just want to throw up your hands and declare him hopeless. But I do think there is an image he can cultivate that will attract a higher class of groupie, namely sorority chicks. If he trims the beard, buys some dockers, a button down shirt, a tweed jacket and starts smoking a pipe he would be perfect as the head of the English Department at a small, New England liberal arts college. And believe me, those guys trade in their spouses for a 22 year old grad student trophy wife every fifteen years. That has been a tried and true, sexy image for the past 100 years.

[bovine knievel]

get EZB one of them spinning drum kits like Tommy Lee

[Duke Silver]

+



+

[Maluca3]

ALSUM!

[scotto]

Maybe they should just wear matching suits and say cute funny things to the reporters and have their album cover shot by Richard Avedon?

[Maluca3]

Maybe they should just wear matching suits

[Lurleen McQueen]

This thread has made me belly-laugh today and I needed it...

I've got a few more...

Guyliner




Tanning beds, free weights and hair gel

[RevMatt]

This thread has made me belly-laugh today and I needed it...

I've got a few more...

Guyliner




Tanning beds, free weights and hair gel

Great ideas, Lurleen. And I live just ten minutes away from where they film Jersey Shore! Patterson and Cooley can stay at my place for a couple weeks next summer and we will turn them into genuine NJ guidos.

[drtpants]

I will address each band member (with the exception of Shonna) individually.

Let's face. DBT may be a lot of things, but sexy they aren't. From Patterson's habit of never tucking his shirt in to Brad Morgan's beard, Drive By Truckers are not going to end up on the cover of GQ or Esquire any time soon. But they are not a hopeless cause. Here are some things they ought to consider.

Cooley -- The Stroker Ace has carefully cultivated his raggedy, Keef by way of Alabama personna over they years. The man seems to forget his razor half the time when he is on the road and his hairstyle is a disaster. But it wasn't always this way. Below is a video from the eighties that is proof that Cooley is no stranger to the beauty parlor. To maximize his sex appeal he needs to return to the Cooley '88 look. Just look at the feathered mullet below. He could be fronting a hair metal band!



Hood -- The other Dimmer Twin commits any number of fashion faux pas onstage. Those fancy glasses he purchased a couple years back are a step in the right direction but that hat he has been wearing these past couple months has got to go. Only clean shaven high school kids can pull that off and, lets face it, Waylon Jennings wouldn't be caught dead in a hat like that. I also think Hood should lose the beard and give leather a try. Think Lou Reed on the Mistrial album cover. Or better yet, the urban professorial look Lou Reed sported during the New York and Magic and Loss period.

Neff -- Neff needs to sport the GQ young executive look. Izod shirts and other -- non-plaid -- golf apparel would work well for him. And maybe on of those blue tooth cell phone thingies behind his ear. Dressed up like that you can practically see the man behind the wheel of a beamer. And despite what you think about middle aged yuppies, those guys are the Don Draper's of today.

Jay -- Appearance wise, he is the one male member of DBT I wouldn't touch. But he has to stop the slouching! Seriously, during the next two week break the band should all chip in to send the man to charm school. Walking around balancing a book on his head would cure him of the slouching habit pronto!

EZ Beat -- At first glance you just want to throw up your hands and declare him hopeless. But I do think there is an image he can cultivate that will attract a higher class of groupie, namely sorority chicks. If he trims the beard, buys some dockers, a button down shirt, a tweed jacket and starts smoking a pipe he would be perfect as the head of the English Department at a small, New England liberal arts college. And believe me, those guys trade in their spouses for a 22 year old grad student trophy wife every fifteen years. That has been a tried and true, sexy image for the past 100 years.

I am stunned at the monolithic greatness of your cogent and pithy analysis. Genius. There's really only a couple guys in your league now,Rev: Mr. Blackwell and H.L. Mencken.

I had never seen that Cooley video before. My image of the Stroker is absolutely blown to shit. It's almost too much to wrap my head around. He was JUST THE SINGER. I can't believe it. He was doing a R.E.M. cover, singing it complete with Stipean hand gestures. Fuck me.

[Slipkid42]

Still thinkin' a Cooley spread in Cosmo is their ticket to the big time.

Side note: If Cooley can go from whatever that was in Rev's video to where he's @ now, then there's still hope for me.

[Tequila Cowboy]

Leather is fine, but if they start wearing assless chaps I'm gone.

[sactochris]

Maybe they should just wear matching suits and say cute funny things to the reporters and have their album cover shot by Richard Avedon?

I'm pretty sure he's dead.

[Tequila Cowboy]

Maybe they should just wear matching suits and say cute funny things to the reporters and have their album cover shot by Richard Avedon?

I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Maybe being shot by dead photographers makes you more sexy.

[drtpants]

Maybe they should just wear matching suits and say cute funny things to the reporters and have their album cover shot by Richard Avedon?

I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Maybe being shot by dead photographers makes you more sexy.

Oh yeah, I don't think there's any question.